Its been 3 days since Ive got my 1st semester result..... and its sucks... I cried the whole day.... I cry as loud as I can...because I know Ive tried the best I could... I cant even sleep that night..and I was over thinking about it! I know Im not supposed to think about it too much... but I just cant.. Cause the reason I continues my studies because of my both parents... I love them and I want to make they proud of me... cause I think that my whole life I just keep disappointing them.......and I just lose my hope to live anymore... I want to be strong.. but I just cant because Im just a normal person that are weak....My mom asked me why am I crying the whole day? and asked me... the reason Im crying.... Its not like she doesnt understand me... but she just want me to get over it... as I said.. I just cant...
And Its even worse when my friends results are better than mine... some of them get dean.... thats the worst of all... and I cry.... and they asked about my result... and I just... "Oh! Its good but.... I failed 1 subject/course which is MAT112.... Blah! Its Business Mathematics.... well you know Maths + Me = Disaster.... " And they were like... "Are you OK? If you're not... let me call you..." and Im just like... "NO! Im OK! Well you know me... Im the coolest person that you've ever seen, right?"
And just now... Ive just got into a fight with my father because I said I dont want to continue my studies in Business.... I want to take Culinary Art.... He was sooooo..... angry and disappointed with me.... because the history repeat itself again when I said I want to quit study..... because after I finished My SPM... Ive got a job... then I resigned because I cant handle my emotions when I get scolded everyday... and my I felt like Ive been hate by my co worker.... because we keep fighting everyday... well obviously.. she's bullying me.. but she cant because Im not the kind of person that you can bully... because back in my High School Im kinda a bully... ahahah.... but not the bad one.. the good one... because Ive been a bad one... when I was in Standard 5 to 6... which is in America called 6th and 7th grade... Im the worst bully ever... I made the whole school not to befriend with her... I know its not good...
Well... back to the topic...My father advice me...but with loud tone.. and it made me cry harder and Im against him... I said I cant do it anymore... but he know I can do it... He trust me... but Im not trusting myself at all...We fight... and at the same time I cry.. keep crying... cause thats all I can do... He want me to continue my studies... and not giving up.. but I dont want...maybe because the way he told me not giving up in a wrong way.. well you know a father when they talked its kinda rough a little bit... then he said... "Well... OK! Just do whatever that goods for you...Youve grown up... so.. do what best for you! but... learning is not easy... it took time.." and he goes to sleep...
I keep crying... then my mum came to me... she give me strength to face me life... she said that my father is right about everything that he said to me... but he said it in the wrong way... plus Im against him... and Ive should listen to every word he said to me.... My mother said its because the way you study... maybe? And its actually because Ive forget about HIM(Allah)... She asked me to try for the 2nd semester and see how its going and she said.. its not only your father will upst wit you.. but your grandmother and all our family will upset with your decision...Then she shared a story that Ive never know about it.. actually she also had fail in a subject when she was taking Diploma In Computer back then...Ive never know about this story because I always look her as The Perfect Person In Study... she also shared a story about her friends that are not good in studies especially subject that required english... she always fail.. but that not stopping her from getting a success...she keep trying till she become a GM(General Manager)... and thats made me feel confident.. My mum said that Im lucky because Ive feel and know the real meaning of succeed and hard-work...
Well... I hope that I will become successful in my life and keep studying... I hope I can continue my studies till Phd.
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